I had the misfortune of seeing - as opposed to watching - the first 20-odd minutes of Evan Almighty.
It was awful.
The thing is, it should have been quietly bad and slipped by without anyone noticing. Instead, it stands as a testament to all that is wrong with the universe. It's like someone couldn't get their "giant bronze statue of massive jerks" project off the ground and decided on a different form of testament.
The film stands nominally as a sequel to Bruce Almighty - in which Jim Carrey got to play with God's powers for a while, in the process realising that no amount of omnipotence could allow him to achieve anything worthwhile. It was marginally funny at the time. Sadly, Jim Carrey's acting in The Number 23 shows that life has imitated art, and Bruce is now tinged with sadness.
Evan sees Steve Carrell reprise his role as a news anchor that appeared in Bruce Almighty for 15 seconds as the butt of a joke. Within Evan's first 10 minutes his character has changed into a congressman; immediately jettisoning any reference to the previous film.
That's why this movie is so offensive. The original script obviously had nothing to do with Bruce, but was renamed in a vacuous attempt to cash in on its vague popularity.
Evan sees Mr Congressman charged by God to build an ark before a flood washes all away, in a plot bearing zero resemblance to the last outing.
"Dude! I got this script. It's got God in it. It's kinda junk though."
"Didn't we just have a God film? That one which Rachel from Friends' huge cans?"
"Oh totally. Bruce Almighty. Jim Carrey was in it. I'm jealous of his over-expressive face. I could score major chicks with a mug like that. Let's draw him into a career-destroying soft thriller that folds in on itself under the weight of meaningful plot twists."
"What? Like a Bruce Almighty sequel? I wasn't really listening - I was busy thinking about the prostitute in the trunk of my --"
"Yeah! We'll totally do that. This script here has God and everything. Can we make it a thriller?"
"Not really. However, there don't seem to be any funny gags in it. That kinda counts. He'll have to wear a shitty beard."
"Nah. Lets get that other guy from Anchorman just before his career takes off."
"Done. Let's burn that hooker corpse."
"As soon as I sleep this off."
That, my friends, is totally how that went down.
Morgan Freeman reprises his role of God in the film. In Bruce he taught a lighthearted lesson. In Evan, he's a total jerk.
"Holy crap! You're God! Did you miracle me into a congressman?"
"No. Even I don't know what that's about."
"Oh. That's cool. Do I get to play with your powers now? I could make Jim Carrey talk like an idiot! Haw!"
"Sorry. I don't do that any more. You've got to build a boat."
"What? Why?"
"Oh. You know. Faith or something. I'm sure you'll learn something about family and crap. I really only watched the first 20 minutes."
"Oh damn. Wait! Why do I have this giant beard? How is this relevant? Animals are doing stuff for me? Why? Who will vote for me now?"
"You're lame. This is lame. I'm gonna go do another Batman film. In that I play a mechanic dude how hangs out with the Dark Knight, making him cooler than God."
"Isn't that kind of blasphemous?"
"Yeah, see? Lesson."
I never caught the end, but I'll hazard a guess that a Lesson is learned and the flood never happens. Maybe a recipe for happiness falls out of Evan's beard.
Of the number 23 or whatever.
On a polar opposite note, I just watched a movie called Juno. I'll write about that when its unstoppable awesomeness lets go of my brain. Suffice to say, it has two actors from Arrested Development in it. That's how awesome it is, it draws hilarious awesome people into its orbit of awesome.
Stefan tells stories, writes about stories and tells stories about stories.
4 comments:
Well... You should have watched the film to its end. There WAS a flood, the sceptics are SAVED by the ark, there is a REDEMPTION within the family and society (American) as a whole.
YOU missed the entire point of this film. It's a 'feel-good, family fun' type film.
I would hazard to say YOU have no right to critique a film without having watched ALL the film. If I had to sit through the ENTIRE film, then so should you.
When YOU have children and the front white picket fence, dog, mortgage and all that, then you may understand some people NEED films like this. I didn't - I thought it deserved a half-star rating - but some people enjoy its sentimentality and lack of sex, violent and gratuitous toilet humor, that seems to dominate so much in the American movie fare we are faced with these days.
(You may have noticed I have CAPPED some of my words. It's to emphasise that clicking on these words will directed you to an appropriate image that reinforces my message - just like you did in one of your blogs. That's cool).
I read of some good reports about Juno - can't WAIT to see your critique on that one.
Hey - have a nice day!
Stef you should have just stuck with. . . . .( wait for it ). . . . Shoot em Up. Really that movie is what would appear if chuck norris fell in love with a tank and made a baby and it was raised by the SNL crew and was fed crack on its frosties
Yeah, I agree with Kyle.
Any movie that has a bad guy exclaim "Well, fuck me sideways" is gotta be worth the rent money.
Especially when it is the actor from 'Sideways'!
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