Celebrity Splash

Celebrity Splash is a thing that exists.

It's a show on Channel 7 where celebrities jump off of diving boards into a pool and are marked on their technique and their courage. That's it. Ratings have been alright but not great.

It's been eviscerated by critics for being a terrible idea for a show. It is shallow (hi-oh!) and pointless. I don't know who many of the contestants are and it's hard to see why I should care about any of this. It's ridiculous. I spent weeks seeing the advertisements pop up and laughing deridingly.

But the show is perhaps the most honest thing I have ever witnessed. It's people who you've seen on the telly before climbing up a ladder and jumping off. They get shit-scared and then they get wet and then they have a laugh about it. There aren't any booming voiceovers promising a dramatic twist that will crack the Internet in half.

Celebrity Splash is clearly a signpost indicating that we're near the end of the road for this society - that we've all opted in to a group narcotic that will lull our souls into the great beyond. But the show is so comfortable in this that it's somehow immune to criticism. It's not any fun to pay out that dumb kid swinging a cardboard lightsaber; neither is it satisfying to rail against Celebrity Splash. But mustn't we? Does it not deserve scorn and endless jokes about taking the water out of the pool next time?

This is a recursive loop from which I cannot escape.