Hiptop Slide: Ramblin' Review

Above: The Hiptop Slide [not pictured: solitude]

After years in which I did not own a mobile phone, I recently purchased a Hiptop Slide.
The effect is similar to never owning a TV, but then buying a 60" HD Plasma screen and welding it you your eyeballs with the brightness cranked up: You own something great, but you also sport an impressive migraine at all times.

I, my friends, am connected.

For a monthly fee the Slide provides unlimited use of email, instant messaging, SMS, MMS, internet browsing and Twitter. Phones calls cost extra, and this encourages me to treat it more as a text-based device. After years of resisting, the perils of a tiny qwerty keyboard have required me to embrace those horrid little 'txt' contractions the whippersnappers use, lest I my hands cramp up or calicfy to a Hellboy extent.
The combination of free messaging and pricey calls have led to me becoming the guy who sends these unwanted text messages:

"Hey dude, wat u doin?"
"You wanna do somethin?"
"KK call me when u wanna."
"No you call me."
"No i wont call u."
"So whats up tho?"
"kk cu 2moro."

It's a blast.

Putting aside the fact that the bluetooth does not, has not, and seemingly never will work, and that the camera lacks a flash and appears to take pictures through a thin mucus-like membrane, it's a pretty nifty device.

A big selling point for me is that you can use it as a modest MP3 player, and that music can be outputted through the speaker.

However, after the initial ecstasy of being infinitely contactable at all times via three distinct mediums, I've been gradually dialling back on my use of it. It's just too damn much. You try getting two emails, an IM and someone's holiday snap during the same meal.

I kind of like the phone - and as previously mentioned on the blog it makes the lightsaber noise when you slide it open - but I honestly don't think I'd encourage anyone to buy the damn thing.