Dreamtime

I just woke up from a dream where I was a stand-up comedian. I only told one joke:

"What did the barber say to the skinhead?"

"Get the hell out of my barber shop!"

Everybody booed, and I was dragged from the stage as I yelled that barbers could hate hairless racists for any number of reasons, and thus the funny.

Huh. Trying to explain a failed joke never works.

Easy TV

I have been convalescing in bed over the last few days, with my body producing fluids quicker than I can expel them. As such, I have been watching a lot of television.

As previously discussed, I love TV. While I tend to fall head-over-heels for shows that are difficult, demand attention and reward a lot of brain power, I also like to maintain a reserve of Easy TV.

Easy TV shows are those I have on DVD that I can watch over and over again. Whether I'm hung over, sick, or simply moving through a lazy Sunday, these shows are the comfort food my eyes demand. I'm sure everyone has their own particular Easy TV, as mine are a combination of shows that are easy to digest, and those that I love so much that I know them by rote. Here they are:

Futurama: This meets every item on the Easy TV checklist. Cartoon? Check. Comedy? Check. Endlessly watchable? Check. I watch all four seasons of Futurama about once a month. This can play endlessly in the background, allowing me to tune in for the odd gag. For some reason I'm burned out on the Simpsons, despite a vaster field of episodes to choose from.
"You watched it, you can't unwatch it!"

Arrested Development: The funniest show I have ever seen. Like Futurama it was cut down too soon. I can watch this over and over and it's always hilarious. It's densely written, so repeat viewings never fail to reveal new running gags, allusions, and sight gags. Brilliant.
"Illusions! Tricks are something a whore does for money ... Or cocaine!"

Law and Order SVU: The reason I gravitate towards the most messed up of the L+E franchises escapes me, but I do. The 'done in one' nature of this aids ease of viewing.
"Sexually based offences are considered especially heinous."

Twin Peaks: Brilliant craziness. Hardly an 'ease of viewing' show, but the unrelenting wave of strangeness never fails to entertain. So damn fun.
"That's some damn good coffee, and some damn good cherry pie."

Buffy: If my love for a show was measured in terms of how many hours of enjoyment they had given me, Buffy would have to be the winner. I have watched this thing to death. Love it. I have watched the musical episode countless times, and generally go on to watch all episodes after it, and then wrap around and watch those before it, and then continue on a few more times. One of my all time favourite shows. Don't watch it so much any more, but absence makes the heart grow fonder.
"Anya! Anya?"

What are the shows you could watch forever?

Summary

Yesterday I took the day off from the internetz to spend time with my dad. It was a good time.

As always, we managed to dodge topics of all importance and instead took in various eating establishments and the cinema. It was a fun, all-to-rare occurance.

Today I am full of sickness. While I am not approaching a Leen level of incapacitation [get well soon!] I'm felling pretty damn ordinary.

For some reason, this blog tends to revolve around the thoughts that spring out of my brain rather than the significant events that orbit around it, leading me to review shite movies like Hancock and omit all references to important events in the life of me. I'm entirely cool with that, as I'd hate for this to fall out of the realm of entertainment [which I strive for, even if I do not succeed] and become a glorified family newsletter.

Having said that, some marginally intresting stuff has occurred. I've been wanting to write about it for ages and just never did. As way of excusing myself from writing at length so I can instead smoke my way through a head cold and then maybe win a Brain Award for Immense Smartness, here's some stuff that's happened.

We bought a car. Leen and I bought a shiny Hyundai i30. After a lifetime of barely-operable vehicles and emitted strange noises and periodically decided 'nope, no driving today', the lack of driving-related stress is indescribable.

I got a tattoo. Leen and I both got a tattoo on our left wrist. I love it. There's a story there and I'll get to it sometime.

I got an XBox 360. Through a somewhat strange turn of events our Wii-loving household ended up with the console, and I have been working my way through the catalogue of games I'd missed since launch. I want to give my impressions of the console at length. In short? Biggest lesson so far is Halo still Halo, XBox is louder than an airplane.

I've written some great stuff. I don't talk about work here, but recently I've written some articles I'm really happy with and proud of. They will passed unnoticed by everyone.

I still don't like racism. It is everywhere this week. Lame.

I fell in love with the ABC. Again. The iView service is exquisite. It allows me to look with fondness at a media outlet in Australia, which is something that never happens. I thank them.

I am digging the Olympics. The Opening Ceremony was amazing, and the enthusiasm vested within me has transferred into the actual watching of sports, which is unheard of. I'm digging all the sports I've never seen, but still lose interest immediately when a sport I've seen before appears.

Hancock: A Review

Hancock: Short Review

No good!

Hancock: Longer, non-spoiler review

I saw this film under what are generally ideal filmgoing circumstances: uninformed save for having seen a teaser trailer 12 months previous. No outlandish expectations. Open mind.
The premise was of Will Smith, the titular Hancock, as 'Superman who doesn't care' is intriguing.
A man with Superman's abilities but with his morals and resonsibilities replaced by alcoholism and indifference promises much. It is fresh.

The first act follows this thread and is entertaining but slight. Hancock saves people but destroys much in the process. He saves a PR Executive (Jason Bateman) who seeks to brighten Hancock's image.

From there the film takes off in a different direction - explaining the amnesiac Hancock's origins and his road to redemption. The ideas are energetic and exciting but there are too many and they have no space to breathe. All told, the film plays like the Wikipedia entry of a fantastic film trilogy. Afterwards I considered the events depicted and thought "that's an awesome idea, I wish I'd seen that". the movie is all the more disappointing for what it could have been. There's real brilliance here, but it's smothered by sloppy, truncated writing.

Bateman is great as the put-upon, well-meaning schlub - he always is. Charlize Theron handles the role of wife and a later shift well. Will Smith is entertaining, and there are some great depicitons of his superpowers at work. The overarching mythology of what Hancock is is intriguing, and I would have liked to see more. I applaud it for its risks.

On reflection much of the plot makes little sense. The villian is shoe-horned in and unneccessary, and the film thinks we fear and awe him when he arrives. We don't.

Hancock: Final, Spoilery thoughts

When Charlize Theron arrives, after the revelation that she has superpowers, she is suddenly a leather-clad vamp. Why? Her outfit matches Hancock's but we saw Hancock receive the sut with no input. Lame.

The villain is stopped from robbing a bank by Hancock. He arrives late in the game like Hancock's nemesis and we do not care. He shoots Hancock while Hancock is depowered. How did this man know he would arrive at the hospital at the exact moment Hancock was without powers, when Hancock himself did not know it would happen? He didn't. He couldn't.

"Don't call me a [blank]" is repeated seventy bazillion times, by a number of characters. It grates.

Hancock literally shoves a man's head up another man's ass. It is shown. Shown for laughs. It pulls the film out of the reality is is striving for and robs it of tension. "Oh, it's a cartoon now. I don't care."

Hancock and Theron apparently lose their powers when they are close to each other. This only happens after effects-heavy super fights though.

Hancock saves the day by running away. Well ... he leaps away, with the powers he does not have.

Shameless

Today I made my Amazon Wish List. It was surprisingly fun. Have a look if you wish to capture a snapshot of my subconscious mind through the smudgy lens of consumerism.

On an unrelated note, it's totally my birthday this month.



Just sayin'.

Top Five

The saturation of society by the Olympics is upon us again.

The whole shebang kicks off in a couple of days, and all thought of oppressive communism and human right violation is being swept away on the tide of sporting pride.

And why the hell not? As Australia's favourite sons and daughters race to secure Olympic gold, any censoring of the media will be obscured by heavy fog, and all in the vicinity will be too weighed down by humidity to care.

So I thought, why shouldn't I get into the spirit as well? Even I, sport-despising devil, fondly recall* the lighting of the Olympic Torch when our proud, wide land hosted the olympics. Much of the Aboriginal people don't, as they were shipped out, but I do!

I wonder how the torch - the mighty, burning symbol of human excellence - may end its round-the-world relay and be delivered in Beijing. That's what we're waiting to see right?

1. It will be swept into the stadium atop of a wave of blood, spilled by the violent regime of the Dalai Lama.

2. It will fail to arrive, as it was been detained in a small, windowless hotel and beaten after wandering too close to something conceivably newsworthy.

3. It will be carried in by a robot made of solid gold, which will have been paid for my resources mined out of the Australian outback. Australia will gain custody of the robot in 2010 through a free trade agreement that sees the continent given over entirely to rice and cotton production to make ends meet. It will soon be the only resident, as it does not require water.

4. It will simply be there. No-one will witness the arrival, but it will be reported as "extremely successful", as the Government will report it as such, and no-one will have any other evidence to go on.

5. Terrorists will steal the flame and it will never be seen physically again. It will be remembered always however, as banners displaying it's grand image will adorn buildings that spring up around the world. These buildings will be called "looking at everything you do all the time and making you stop in the name of Freedom Centres". 

* this is a lie.

Superman

Superman is a dick. Don't know if I've mentioned that before, but go there.

I have been reading through the Graphic Content blog's dissection of the Superman 2000 pitch, in which writers Mark Waid and Grant Morrison sought to take over DC's Superman comics. It sounds awesome.

As a Marvel kid through and through, I always found Superman to be pretty bland. This was, of course, at the young age where I felt comfortable labelling something as crap without ever having laid eyes on it. Superman seemed vanilla and dull, so he was, even though I'd never read a Superman comic.

In more recent times I've read some Superman stories that are great. All-Star Superman in particular. But any run-of-the-mill issues I've read seem to reinforce my misgivings.

Superman is somewhat of a dull canvas. Some writers have painted amazing pictures on it, but just as often you end up with a Year 8 student* drawing a 2D satan and saying "it's about how hard it is to grow up" to cover up their lack of talent.

Anyway, if you're interested, read through the Superman 2000 analysis and join me in thinking of what could have been.



*totally me.

I can see my house from here

Street view pictures of Broken Hill went live on Google Maps today.

I'm sure there'll be some use for this coming down the line. At the moment, it allows solely for people like me to go "Gee! That's totally my house! Open ups to the interwebz!"

Reason for post brevity follows:
I spent the morning splurting 1000+ words all over Hordelings, flinging a harsh spotlight onto the lack of support Wizards of the Coast provided to GenconOz.

While this is an issue of burning importance to myself, one suspects the general population will be capable of going on with their lives unhindered.

Grand Theft Auto IV: Togetherness.

After I spent my first hour with GTA IV I decided I was done. Despite the amazing effort that had been put into world-building - and the pay-off that oozes from the screen - I just wasn't having any fun.

Sure, the city around you seems to live and breathe, and that's spectacular, but all I had managed to do was take a woman bowling and drive my cousin around, all while dealing with some D-grade titty jokes and wishing I could throw my in-game mobile phone in a dam to shut it up.
But some time later Leen and I restarted the game and things started to sing.
It's a unique situation: I don't think either of us would play this game ourselves, but together we're having a blast. My poor, strained eyes are the proof.
See, as a duo this game is perfect. Leen loves maintaining our friendships, buying awesome clothes and performing the more cerebral missions, whereas I love careening around trying to escape cops and performing tasks that require explosions and shooting hundreds of people.

Between the two of us, we wipe the platter clean.

And in giving the game a shot I've grown to enjoy the hell out of it. There's a few missteps in the writing early on that makes it feel heavy on the exploitative, 'offensive for offensive's sake' style of humour. But once they set the tone they're probably locked into by now, the writing is actually really good. It's adult, but the characters are well-drawn, likeable, memorable and distinct.
The writing's a lot more important here than in many games, as Rockstar Games sets this thing up as a playable movie right from the introduction.
The missions are the same old story, but enough is new to freshen up a very good formula.
The use of a mobile phone as the central mechanism for controlling the game is a masterstroke. Really, compiling most menu options into a mobile phone is how we're living our lives anyway.

As with every game though, it all boils down to one question: Am I having fun? The true innovation of this game is in the city around it. People live their lives independently of your actions, and react realistically to the unexpected. At first this felt like empty window-dressing, but when carnage unfolds, it adds to it in unexpected and exciting ways. It provides you with those "Holy shit did you just see that?" moments that give these games reasons to live.

Here's my most memorable example, the moment I decided that yes, I was going to forgo lunch to keep playing [one of the highest honours I bestow upon anything]:

I was on my way to a train station, where a man was waiting on the platform. My mission was to kill him.
On the way there I drove through a toll booth without paying - to my mind a minor infraction - but nonetheless I soon had a police car tailing me, asking me to pull over from a sedate distance.
When I reached the station I called my boss on my mobile, who told me to go ahead despite the police presence. I ditched the car and ran up to the platform.
I spotted the man and opened fire, felling his associates as passengers all around scattered and ran for cover. The target jumped the tracks and sprinted away. I gave chase and sprinted into the street. I placed a bullet in the man's brain as cars sped away and pedestrians screamed. Suddenly there were police everywhere. As a squad car pulled up I shot the driver and jumped behind the wheel. Suddenly I'm screaming through the streets in a stolen police car as six squad cars try to ram me off the road.
Taking a corner at speed I turn onto a highway but oh noes! It's under construction and before I can react I've reached a large gap in the road and I'm flying through space. The car falls and smashes heavily into the opposite edge of the unfinished road - I fly out through the windscreen and land heavily, rolling into a pile of bricks on the otherside of the gap.
As I get unsteadily to my feet I see my car followed into the watery abyss by three of my pursuers. I sprint in the opposite direction as fast and as far as I can. Unable to follow the remaining units give up and leave. I manage to sneak my way back into the general population and escape.

To summarise: I shot a guy, escaped in a police car and escaped only by launching through my windshield during a fatal crash.

Awesome.

Locked up with all of my people

There's been some cool commentary crawling out from underneath the posts that I've scattered around this mossy blog garden.

Honestly, I have no idea how many people read this thing or if they are reading the comments, but I'm a big fan.

I thought I'd put these ones up here because, well, it's my blog!

Tmofee weighed in on my last post, about Nintendo being a money making machine, with his own view of this console war malarkey:

"A lot of sony and ms issues are the cost of the tech. the system and games probably cost a lot more than what they're selling them for. luckily these a big companies who can afford the losses.

I think The Bluray will help sony, and if this i-tv thing comes out in Australia as well, recording free to air tv? i think it will be for a lot of people more of an all in one entertainment system as well as just a gaming system.

I just hope nintendo survive gen 7. there's only so much you can do with the wii. yeah its fun but all these big games are being left out for them. I don't own a wii, but I have a lot of fond memories with the snes and 64 systems."

After I exposed the world to some of my crazier childhood moments, Luke shared this gem:

"Happily, Lou and I still play similar games. Both our cats have jobs - and we invent reasons why whenever we see them, they are not actually at work. "Frenchie's doing nightshift". "Pete's on a break" "The union doesn't let cats work the same amount of hours as humans", etc."

I think we can all agree that that's one of the funnest thing ever.

Jay did not explicitly share my love of the Pussycat Dolls' new single, but he did share belief that they were singing about their wide-eyed hopes for boobies.
I stick by my comments that "I wanna have boobies", in the context of the group's "grrl power" aesthetic and "exxxtreme" attitude, would've made a superior lyric.

And poor B chimed in to call me a boob over my recent bank mishap, but was felled by a misplaced e. His Class A burn was thus consumed by a debate over the difference between a typo and a spelling error.

FYI:

Spelling error = stupid brain.

Typo = stupid fingers.

I myself am guilty of both, with regularity and with gusto.