The whole shebang kicks off in a couple of days, and all thought of oppressive communism and human right violation is being swept away on the tide of sporting pride.
And why the hell not? As Australia's favourite sons and daughters race to secure Olympic gold, any censoring of the media will be obscured by heavy fog, and all in the vicinity will be too weighed down by humidity to care.
So I thought, why shouldn't I get into the spirit as well? Even I, sport-despising devil, fondly recall* the lighting of the Olympic Torch when our proud, wide land hosted the olympics. Much of the Aboriginal people don't, as they were shipped out, but I do!
I wonder how the torch - the mighty, burning symbol of human excellence - may end its round-the-world relay and be delivered in Beijing. That's what we're waiting to see right?
1. It will be swept into the stadium atop of a wave of blood, spilled by the violent regime of the Dalai Lama.
2. It will fail to arrive, as it was been detained in a small, windowless hotel and beaten after wandering too close to something conceivably newsworthy.
3. It will be carried in by a robot made of solid gold, which will have been paid for my resources mined out of the Australian outback. Australia will gain custody of the robot in 2010 through a free trade agreement that sees the continent given over entirely to rice and cotton production to make ends meet. It will soon be the only resident, as it does not require water.
4. It will simply be there. No-one will witness the arrival, but it will be reported as "extremely successful", as the Government will report it as such, and no-one will have any other evidence to go on.
5. Terrorists will steal the flame and it will never be seen physically again. It will be remembered always however, as banners displaying it's grand image will adorn buildings that spring up around the world. These buildings will be called "looking at everything you do all the time and making you stop in the name of Freedom Centres".
* this is a lie.
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