Banks

Banks do not open until 10am! What the hell?!?

Excessive exclamation aside, that's crazy.
Granted, my up-to-the-minute discovery of this fact is a testament to my rare desire to attend a financial institution at 9am, but still. We go to all this trouble to build a society entirely dependent on the regular exchanging of brightly coloured pieces of paper, and the people who hold on to them for us can't be bothered getting out of bed until an hour after the rest of us?

Yesterday I learned my tax return cheque was ready, which was enough to have me out of my comfy pants at 9am on a non-work day. Getting money out of the Government always puts a spring in my early morning step, much like the promise of a free McMuffin.

So I finds myself striding blearily towards the bank at 9.15am, with cheque in my hand and head full of three-days-away-spending-spree dreams [I intend to finish paying for a couch I "bought" in 2003].

Sadly, rather than being embraced by the cool surroundings of a dozen workers behind soaring plastic, my head thunked against toughened glass in the way it only can when a man attempts to walk through a door he expects to open automatically.
As I stood dazed and disoriented, I started to notice the telltale sign that a business is not yet open - old people. All around me were greying smirks - my elders sat in warm their cars, joyful at youthful hubris being taken down a peg.

I could feel their thoughts.
"Look at that young man, wanting to jump the cue. The sound of his glasses clinking against the door fills me with satisfaction .. . satisfaction bested only by me having outlived my contemporaries. I bet he plays loud music near my neighbourhood. Bastard."

I was hurt. I did take comfort in the fact that, even though this crowd possessed superior knowledge, they were also waiting for the bank to open 45 minutes in the future.

As I got back into my car and left, haunted by the lingering guffaws of people who would soon be in front of me in line, I had a vague recollection of this happening before. This was no isolated occurrence - banks opening at ten had thwarted me before, likely at the end of a previous financial year.

Why is this not discussed? Does this not inconvenience many? I have been doing my banking on the internet for years - allowing me to avoid attending the premises and dovetailing nicely with the bank's desire to keep me out of building while still charging me for monopolising their time with my pesky business.

This is why banks are so rich: Between 9am and 10am each day, they have free reign to dream up new and interesting charges. This is why I am broke, and they are still in bed.