Random thoughts on the Olympics

Sport and I are like chalk and one of those sidewalk artists that used to draw in chalk but paints now because chalk kept snapping and one time a piece of chalk killed his puppy.

So it is with great surprise that I find myself actually interested in the Olympics. I mean, I've been abstractly interested for months, but in a 'spotlight on China' kind of way. I never thought I'd watch any events, but I am.
I think the Opening Ceremony blew my mind open enough that lingering excitement seeped in like clingy bacteria.

I've had the Olympics playing in the background of my life since it began and while I'm already facing the edge of interest, it's been entertaining. I'm particularly drawn to the crazier sports and those I have never seen before.

And so, for lack of a better structure, here are some random thoughts on the Olympics.

Man, I would totally die. I love watching men's gymnastics, partly because of the wow factor, but mainly so I can catalogue all the ways I would totally die. In the average floor routine I can point to five moments in time where I would definitely perish. "I could have pulled that off ... I would sustain many injuries."

Leave him alone! Given their death-defying ability, I can't help but back the gymnasts. When a dude is swinging like a maniac and loses his grip, and a commentator remarks "that was not good" or "that's an error that will cost him", I involuntarily shout at the television "shut the hell up he tried his best didn't you just see him flip three times shoom shooom shooooom." I get invested.

Hubuwha? I enjoy Judo. It washes over me like a warm breeze in a sun-dappled field. I have absolutely no concept of the rules. It makes so sense, and they all look so angry.

Meep meep. Watching the American Dream Team play basketball is like watching Warner Brothers cartoons. People do not work that way. They're like if The Flash and Stilt-Man had a baby. They also wear cartoonishly - although rightfully - smug expressions as they dangle from a rim specifically designed to be out of reach.

The Invention of Badminton.
"Wanna play tennis?"
"Pfffsh. That game is as easy as pushing your grandmother down stairs."
"Hm. Well let's spice it up then. Could we add hobos?"
"Naw, I'm wearing white. Let's just make the court smaller, the racket smaller, replace the ball with an object as aerodynamic as it is attractive, and make sure you have to swing really, really hard to move it three feet."
"Awesome. But dude?"
"Yeah?"
"Please leave my grandmother in peace."
"No problems shuttlecock."

Unsurprisingly, China's regime is brutally efficient. Say what you will, but anyone who can start arresting protesters before half of them have freed their home-made signs from their hemp satchels could probably keep the trains running on time. They wouldn't tell anyone of course, but they would.

Channel Seven's coverage has been really bad. Borderline racism and trivialisation towards Chinese culture on the "Yum Cha" space-filler morning show. The bigger crime? It is boring and lame. Also, cutting away from the Olympics to showthe AFL? Perspective is a wonderful thing, but is not present in this instance.