The quietest time of the day

Blogged from the hip

DO WANT

Blogged from the hip

"Great" advertising

I can't help but read this as them knowing it's a bad city gig.

Blogged from the hip

At Big W, they sell items for both girls and boys

Blogged from the hip

Hey Hey it's controversy

VIDEO: Hey Hey it's controversy

Shared via AddThis

So Hey Hey It's Saturday came back, and Red Faces featured a skit where dudes dressed up as the Jackson 5. They wore blackface.

I thought iSnack 2.0 was embarrassing.

State of Play

Greetings spurned readership!

As you may have noticed, my rate of posting has slowed to the point of nonexistence. More likely you have moved on to one of the other 70 bajillion blogs on the internet and are not reading this right now. But I digress.

I started this blog as a way of keeping my writing fluids pumping. I did not anticipate that it would be read and enjoyed - a welcome boon indeed.
At present I hunger for projects with more focus, and am turning my attention to a couple.
I still intend to update this blog, but am officially freeing myself from the self-imposed daily schedule. I obviously did this unofficially some time ago, but hey, I'm here now.
The invention of Twitter was quite a blow, as it provided the ability to share randomness and immediately generate discussion that I found here. It also unfortunately demonstrated that much of the 1,000-word posts I had created could be just as effectively conveyed in 140 characters.

I really do want to thank everyone who has ever read any of the words here, and I hope you've enjoyed some of them. I especially want to thank anyone who commented, as I am man enough to admit that such validation keeps me going.

So I will continue to live here - I still visit every day so feel free to say anything you like in the comments of this post. If I post something of note I shall make a note of it through Twitter and Facebook.

Also, how good was Arkham Asylum? Really good.

My only regret ... is that I have ... boneitis.

Thank God. (From io9)

Futurama has signed a deal with Fox that will see the original voice cast return.

My initial, ecstatic joy at hearing that my favourite cartoon ever had been renewed after a too-long absence was immediately crushed under the news that pay disputes may have meant the cast would not be coming back.

That would have surely created a Pet Cemetery situation, where my loved one would return .... wrong.

Zack and Miri: A Review

Zack and Miri Make a Porno sounds like it should be awesome, but it is a disappointment.

On paper, this movie wins the internet:

The idea of Kevin Smith embracing the style of recent 'Apatow style' comedies should be a 'best of both worlds' type of deal, and the plot - two broke, platonic friends decide to make a porno to get out of debt - sounds tailor made for a filthy, hilarious romp.

But it doesn't really work. The film swings between filth and cheesy sentimentality. It feels like two competing movies a lot of the time.

The premise that pornography has gone mainstream is mentioned in the film, and is unwittingly proven by the tameness of proceedings. The concept hangs there with nothing really to support it. The love story grows to encompass the whole plot, so that the initial idea of the film being made is abandoned without any resolution.

Elizabeth Banks acts well and Seth Rogan is capable, but none of the other characters grow beyond a one sentence description.

Of course, a film like this can often get a pass on all else if it is funny. Sadly, Zack and Miri isn't all that funny either. While there are some great gags, it's not consistently hilarious like, say, Anchorman or Clerks, which both took an obvious concept and rode it for all it was worth.

The Champions

Last night Leen and I watched Queen: Live at Wembly.

I'd never seen it before, but had heard good things.

Not only was it possibly the best live performance I have ever witnessed, albeit through a television screen and the mists of time, but I ached to be in the audience.

When Radio Ga Ga had thousands of people clapping in unison while Freddy holds them in the palm of his hand, I kind of felt like I had missed all the best stuff that will ever happen.

If you ever get the chance to watch the concert do so. It will fill you with awe and crushing despair.

That is rock'n'roll.




Photograph provided by Orange_Beard

Worst ending ever?

Did Battlestar Galactica Have The Worst Ending In Science Fiction History?

Head over to io9 to find out!

My take?













Yep.

Digital Wrong Management

Digital Rights Management software needs to be invisible unless the law is broken, or it will not work.

I struck upon the above phrase while chatting with my brother the other day, and I think I've finally summed up my problem with the whole copyright debate.

I like to watch TV and movies. I do not want to steal them, and I don't want to sell them. With this in mind, I'm cool with the companies that provide these things including software to prevent me from swiping it, but not if it prevents me from using it.

It sounds so simple now, but it's sadly unattainable at present. If I want to watch a movie in my DVD player, then copy it to my computer and stream it to my PS3, I should be able to do so. I'm not breaking the law. but DRM prevents me from using files outside of a narrow definition set by the distributor. The rights being managed are certainly not mine, and that sucks.

Wake in Fright: A Review

Wake in Fright was filmed in my hometown of Broken Hill in 1971. It has been restored and screened in the city this week. The following review was written for the local newspaper, where I happen to work.

As brutal and unforgiving as its outback setting, Wake in Fright is a valuable look at Australia's regional heart.

Filmed mostly in Broken Hill in 1971, Wake in Fright follows John Grant (Gary Bond) as he grapples with a world he is ill-equipped to deal with.
Grant leads an unwelcome existence as a teacher in the Australia outback.
He is heading to Sydney to reconnect with the girl of his dreams, but he has to pass through Bundayabba first.
"The Yabba" as the locals call it, is Broken Hill in everything but name. The film is based on Kenneth Cook's novel which details his experiences in the Silver City.
Well-educated and well-spoken, Grant is an obvious outsider in the Yabba, and he derides the locals and their game of two-up as simple and crude.
Seeking to raise enough money to flee far away, however, he bets big and loses everything. He wakes the next morning penniless and more enmeshed with the Yabba than ever.
Subject to the locals' hospitality, Grant is enveloped in their hard-working, hard-drinking world, and any mention of escape is met with the demand to relax and have another beer.
Wake in Fright is a confronting film that pulls no visual punches. The graphic result of a kangaroo shoot is laid out on screen and intercut with the hunters' joy, and a drunken night out with the boys is heavily implied to end with rape.
The portrayal of outback Australians can be hard to swallow, but ultimately feels genuine. Everyone in town is honest to a fault and endlessly hospitable, but the celebrated trait of mateship has been forged into a frightening point of brutality.
Drinking is a way of life. Anyone will buy you one, but be prepared to drink it down swiftly. Friendly wrestles turn sour. A night out might have you grappling with a wild animal.
When local cop Jock (Chips Rafferty) befriends Grant, he buys him a beer and stares imposingly until it is sculled. Excellent performances and solid direction make moments like these - and there are plenty - feel suffocating and uncomfortable despite the wide-open landscape.
It all conspires to make the Yabba seem welcoming yet terrifying. Grant could easily live there forever, but he may never leave - or return to sobriety - again.
It's not hard to see why a 1970s audience, unaccustomed with seeing themselves up on screen, would've rejected such an unflattering portrayal. Modern audiences may dismiss it as the past, but the message rings true. The brutality of a population that is drinking its way through a hot, dirty existence is food for thought.
The character of Doc (Donald Pleasence) is repulsive. Unable to practice medicine in Sydney due to his alcoholism, he has come to the Yabba where his condition is "barely noticeable". He isn't a local, but he's has been welcomed by all and that is in itself a damning indictment. His character exhibits the most obvious homosexual undertones, but the tension of that with the blokiness inhabits much of the story.
Local lads and good mates Dick and Joe (Jack Thompson and Peter Whittle) loom large as towers of bush masculinity. They drink, fight, drink and shoot together, and seem like genuinely nice guys as long as they aren't too drunk - but they often are. The entire cast comes through as well-rounded and each character feels full.
The scenes of a roo shoot include animals being shot to death on camera. It's disturbing and something that could not be done today. A note at the end of the film informs that the shots were fired by licenced hunters, but it still stings.
Wake in Fright has special significance for Broken Hill viewers, as their city takes pride of place. Watching the city's unique architecture move by in the background is a treat, even for those too young to have seen it back then.
It's a testament to the city's heritage value that, while the city looks different in many ways, its spirit - for better and for worse - remains the same.

SAD

Blogged from the hip

Antici .... pation

God I hope that 'in the oven pizza' is for me.
Blogged from the hip

Post-art refuse

Blogged from the hip

@ art

Blogged from the hip

Star Trek: A Review

Star Trek is a fantastic film, and a shining example of a summer blockbuster done right.


Our local cinema started screening this a month late. In internet terms, it might as well have been a decade ago. So I do apologise for the lateness and lack of relevance, but I like to fill the blog with things that have impacted upon me, so this demands a place.

Above all else, Star Trek is fun. When the lights went up Leen and I were both grinning from ear to ear.
The film moves quickly and wastes no time. It covers a lot of ground, and a fairly intricate plot, all without dragging. I want to see this again already, and it zipped by me in what felt like an hour.

It connects emotionally, it's funny, the effects are great and the action excites. It deserves to be used as the formula for how to make a 'blockbuster film'.

As a Star Trek fan I enjoyed the extra level of in-jokery that permeated proceedings, such as Scotty having killed the dog that appeared in Enterprise and Kirk cheating his way through a test that in the past, had been used as an example of his prowess.
But the joy of this film is that such knowledge is unnecessary. The old characters are recreated lovingly and acted superbly, and they're such a part of the culture that they feel familiar even to people who have only seen them via parody in the Simpsons and such.

The story is a masterstroke of reimagination. The mechanism of time travel effectively recreates the characters and allows a fresh direction without invalidating what came before. The original Spock lives in this universe, and that means that this timeline demands that the last once took place in entirety - you cannot have one without the other. I love that. It's smart.

The plot is unashamedly sci-fi, what with time travel and alternate realities and black holes and such. The mcguffin is red matter and is just that. It receives no further explanation beyond being red and creating black holes, because that's all we need and who cares about the science? Recognition of this fact is welcome.

The movies feels like Star Trek. I was worried going in that the movie would feel so new that Trek would be jettisoned, and I would be forced to admit that the secret to making a good Trek film was to get rid of Star Trek. On the other hand, even as a fan I recognise that the last couple of films have been terrible and stale. This line is straddled expertly.

Kirk and Spock were excellent. The souls of these characters were rock solid and I'm very happy to see them sharing the main role. Scotty and McCoy were standouts for me. I felt like the actors behind them (especially Pegg) were always about to turn to the camera and scream "I'm in Star Trek and it's awesome!". That enthusiasm permeated their performances.
The entire main cast was fun and useful. At the end when they are together as a unit and they're about to head off on adventures, I was genuinely happy for them.

My brother Kyle is a dedicated Star Wars fan who has spent a lifetime creating new and interesting ways to make fun of my love of Star Trek. He made the following statement:
"It depresses me to admit that I enjoyed this film more than I did any of the Star Wars prequels". I thought that in the cinema when Scotty's weird little sidekick came on and did not suck, and when Kirk is running across the surface of Hoth towards the cave where Obi Wan lives.
Star Wars Episode I taught me that alien sidekicks destroy films. Abrahms reminds that this is not the case. I can't help but wonder if that is deliberate.

The action is well done and very much in the vein of Firefly. The lack of sound in space is striking. The idea of this fantastic outer space action being physically filmed also comes across.
The world feels lived in without being squalid. It feels real. Leen pointed out that, after watching hundred of episodes where the transporter is used to do anything and everything, this movie shows the device in a more realistic fashion. It is not perfect, and if it doesn't work, it's serious. Whereas Enterprise rewound things to pre-transporters and robbed the show of a cornerstone of the setting, this one takes things back to when things were still great and high-tech and Trekkian, but before they were pedestrian.

Nero was a great villain. His actions brought about by events beyond his control, he is a twisted chap and not a cutout evil bastard. The idea that he is just a miner whose ship is large yet insignificant at home, but an unstoppable engine of destruction in the past, is great.

Due to me seeing this a month after the rest of the internet, I walked in with a general knowledge that the film was considered excellent, as well as some stray plot points I had failed to avoid under my belt. Burdened with sky-high expectations and robbed of total unfamiliarity with the plot, this film still managed to impress me beyond my hopes. This is very rare, and is to be cherished.

Photo of a thing I want provided by Timm Williams

DO NOT WANT

Blogged from the hip

Still alive

But that's it for now.

sorry.

Michael Jackson

So Michael Jackson died.

Sucks.

I have been surprised at how much I've felt this. 

He was a big part of my childhood I suppose, and represents one more part of it that must now be tucked away into a box marked 'things that cannot be any more'.

May write more later, for me reasons, but the internet will allow for dissection of the issue.


videos

pictures

Buffy vs Edward

I know this is a week old now, so in internet terms it is covered in the thick dust of past-relevance, but it's so good that I had to have it here.

The below video is a mash-up of Buffy and Twilight, wherein Buffy meets Edward. It serves to illustrate how much of a stalky creep Edward is.

Massive thanks to Jay for showing me this.

Regarding Google

Some of you may have noticed that the Google Ads at the right of the page have disappeared.
Many of you will not have noticed, as they were rarely clicked on.

Anyway, here's an email I got from Google on Saturday:

"Hello,
While going through our records recently, we found that your AdSense
account has posed a significant risk to our AdWords advertisers. Since
keeping your account in our publisher network may financially damage our
advertisers in the future, we've decided to disable your account.
Please understand that we consider this a necessary step to protect the
interests of both our advertisers and our other AdSense publishers. We
realize the inconvenience this may cause you, and we thank you in advance
for your understanding and cooperation.
If you have any questions about your account or the actions we've taken,
please do not reply to this email. You can find more information by
visiting
https://www.google.com/adsense/support/bin/answer.py?answer=57153.
Sincerely,
The Google AdSense Team"

I followed the link and discovered that my only avenue to discuss this situation was through an online appeal form. I filled it out, and got this reply:

"Hello,
Thanks for providing us with additional information. However, after
thoroughly reviewing your account data and taking your feedback into
consideration, we've re-confirmed that your account poses a significant
risk to our advertisers. For this reason, we're unable to reinstate your
account. Thank you for your understanding.
As a reminder, if you have any questions about your account or the actions
we've taken, please do not reply to this email. You can find more
information by visiting
https://www.google.com/adsense/support/bin/answer.py?answer=57153."

So yep. No more ads here. Don't know why. It's not a huge blow as the income derived from the service is minor. What is frustrating is the inability to find out why this has happened. All other avenues of communication are shut, or route me back to the FAQ which is supposed to answer all my queries, or a forum full of people with problems that are being met with a similar level of customer service.

Sparkly, dull.

When Leen, our friend Gina and myself decided to watch some movies over the weekend, I convinced them to see Twilight.

I did this for nefarious social experiment reasons, as my brother - the video store baron - and I have been unsuccessful in our quest to find a person of the feminine persuasion who does not like Twilight.

In general, the reaction to the film seems to be a quiet recognition of its flaws beneath a syrupy love for either source material or hunk that sparkles more brightly than a vampire in the sun.

So I was very pleased that, 20 minutes in, the movie was switched off to the sound of pantomime yawning from all. I did not say anything while the movie was on, lest I colour the experiment, but both ladies found themselves bored to tears.

A-ha! There is a woman who dislikes Twilight, and I have her. What's more, she's going to come and see Star Trek with me this weekend. Suck it all other dudes.

Photograph by i heart him.

I can stop driving in a slow panic

I've spent the last two days jumping through hoops in an attempt to secure my green slip.

I don't know if green slips are an international thing, but here in our wide, brown, barbecued land, that's what we call our 'compulsory third party insurance' - a document you must possess to register your car.

The entire ordeal has been painful, because it involves handing over an obscene amount of money for something that approaches pointlessness.

I understand why I need this - it provides a blanket of safety on our roads - but I don't understand why it costs so much. I don't know why our particular vehicular situation demands a higher cost. Having questions answered with 'that's just the way it is' is my least favourite thing ever, and it has been a repeated experience of late.

Photograph provided by FatMandy

Apparently, Marvel will soon release a mini-series that will go back over Spiderman's Clone Saga.

Really?

Spiderman has always been my favourite comics character. I was unlucky enough to develop my comics addiction during the nineties, when comics are considered to have been terrible. Luckily, I was young enough to love the hell out of terrible stories, as long as they involved bright colours and lots of punching.

At the time I enjoyed the Clone Saga - in which a clone of Spiderman reappears years after his fleeting appearance in a single issue - as it was epically long and involved.

With age and hindsight I realise the saga was overblown, directionless and just refused to end. It went off the rails, through a mountain and then crashed into the moon.

Apparently, this upcoming miniseries is going to present the saga 'as intended'. Despite my better judgement, there is no way I won't be reading this.

My understanding is the saga was originally intended to end with the clone being revealed as the real Spiderman, an idea I love, but I doubt that will happen here.

Anyway, this is a great time for me to point you towards the mammoth "Life of Reily" article, that I have read four times. Every once and a while I remember it, try to find it, and end up reading it all again.

It's written by some people that were working on the book when the saga hit, and it's a fascinating tale of storytellers pulling against a corporation in a mine cart headed to hell.

Even if you don't like comics, it really is fascinating.

The Life of Reily

Photograph provided by -sel.

A note about the blog

And now, an exciting item of housekeeping:

I've disabled the widgety doohickey that automatically posts my blog entries to Facebook as notes.

There are a couple of reasons for this:

The selfish one is that I'd like people to visit the blog rather than read on Facebook, because, well, I think the blog is kind of cool.

the slightly less selfish but still kind of selfish one is that the comments on post are currently split amongst the posts and the notes. The comments on posts live forever on the blog, but disappear after awhile on Facebook.
I like the commentary, and feel it adds at least as such as the posts they proceed, so I'd like to encourage people to say stuff on the blog.

I suspect the likely result of this change will be a drop in commentary rather than consolidation, but a man can dream.

If you've been diggin' the notes, and maybe you didn't even know where they came from, I would encourage you to pop over to the blog occassionally.

Photograph provided by Vicintosh87

The Underbelly Effect

Regarding Australian TV:

The Australian-made television series Underbelly appeared on screens in 2008. It was based on the Melbourne Gangland War. It was awesome.
It was not shown in Broken Hill, and it was some time before I saw it. I had the following exchange countless times:

Person: "Dude, have you seen Underbelly?"
Me: "No."
Person: "It's awesome! Seriously! Best thing I've seen in some time."
Me: "But ... isn't it Australian?"
Person: "I know! I thought it would be terrible too, but it's great!"

I eventually saw the program, and as previously mentioned, it was awesome.
I then had the following discussion countless times:

Me: "Dude, have you seen Underbelly?"
Person: "No."
Me: "It's awesome! Seriously! Best thing I've seen in some time."
Person: "But ... isn't it Australian?"
Me: "I know! I thought it would be terrible too, but it's great!"

I christen this The Underbelly Effect, because it's my blog, and I can make up names for things whenever I wish it to be so.

As previously mentioned, drama produced in Australia trends towards terrible. When Underbelly came out it took everyone I knew by surprise, because it was not shit.

I find the situation frustrating, because in Underbelly, each element - acting, writing, direction, swearing - were all top notch. In particular, actors who I had written off years ago were great in this.

It demonstrates that, in Australia, there is talent. If we wanted, we could make great programs. We don't.

I often wonder why.

(Hint: money)

Photo provided by mkrigsman

Gryffon

That dude up there? That's the new member of the family.

He likes lying around, sleeping and being a little overweight.

We get along well.

Blogged from the hip

I love you guys

The rant I posted on Friday in which I railed against All Saints generated some commentary that I really wanted to share.

First up was B, who brought up a point that I myself have struggled against on many an occasion:

"As much as you may dislike or like this program, it is worthy in that it is home grown television.
At the very least, it's Aussie-made and helps to stem the tide of foreign (American) TV that is threatening to completely swamp our airwaves.
It's drama like this that also helps stem the tide of reality TV - made because it's cheap (cheap and nasty most times).
Australian TV needs to invest in home-grown drama, comedy etc., otherwise it will die out.
We shouldn't stand for mediocrity or pure rubbish and that is reflected in ratings I suppose. Have you ever met anyone who contributes to ratings? Now, that's a true mystery (or conspiracy) who are the ratings people?
Just some thoughts."

While I agree with the underlying sentiment - that Australian drama is depressingly unexplored territory - I had a few quibbles that I wanted to explore, and was somewhat surprised that I hadn't already addressed them here on the blog, given the amount of dinner party discussion they have generated.
I was trying to think of what exactly to write when K came in with a response that, I feel, summed up what I was getting at:

"It may be home grown, but so are my stools!"

I think that about sums it up for now.

Photo provided by gtmc knight

All Saints

Have you seen All Saints?

For international readers, All Saints is an Australian-made hospital drama which appears to focus on some kind of emergency response unit.

I had never watched it, but earlier this week found myself flicking over to it mid-episode.
What I found was glorious.

The premise of the show seems to allow for low-key 'day in the life' hospital stories to sit beside balls-to-the-wall emergency plots.

Now, don't get me wrong, the show appears to be terrible, and I did not make it to the end of this episode, as it features that quality shared by almost all Australian drama - it is also a soap.
Seriously, no matter what genre an Australian drama occupies, it will inevitably be a soap opera. If not right away, then in the fullness of time.

But I had to mention this show because, judging by my 20 minutes of exposure, it is the most melodramatic experience available in today's world.

As well as a woman (pictured above, thanks All Saints website) who was allergic to the whole world, the ambulance squad - led by a man with silver hair and a chunky ring in his ear - were called to a car accident.
Not that exciting you say? Well they found a man trapped in a truck that was surrounded by live electrical cables! This meant:

This entire vehicle was electrified!

If he moved, or touched any metal surface, he would be electrocuted!

This was especially serious, because he was also having a heart attack!

Is was amazing. They tried to pass him medication by way of a wooden broom. It didn't work, so they had to resort to desperate measures! I know this because they told us.
The measures in question? Discovering that the key was in the ignition and had a small plastic cover on it, the man was instructed to drive a small distance forward! And he did! And it worked! Thank God!

Then I stopped watching. I assume the man went on to thwart a terrorist attack by driving forward slightly, before the entire hospital filled with wrist blood, which gushed fourth from a million audience members wringing their hands into oblivion.

Fox and Friends

The following video is magnificent.

All who disagree are mistaken.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Fox & Friends' Lingerie Football Romp
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Newt Gingrich Unedited Interview

Good news everyone!

Futurama is back!

Comedy Central has ordered 26 new episodes, because people love the hell out of this show.

I'm paraphrasing - they've cited solid DVD and rerun performance - but that's the spirit of the thing.

The first four seasons of Futurama are rewatched often in our house. The show is smart, hilarious, and superior to the Simpsons, at least in our geeky household.

The movies were good too. They weren't great, but I feel like that was a format problem, and I'm very happy to see the show return in episodic format.

Photo by General Disarray

Happy birthday Queenie!

Today Australia celebrates the Queen's Birthday, and so everyone (except me) gets a day off work.

It's certainly one of those miscellaneous public holidays, given that the Queen of England has little bearing on the day-to-day life of the average Australian, and that England has been scrubbed entirely from much of the nation's consciousness (but cheers for exiling the criminals to a place with a superior climate).

Of course, as Australians, we'll take a long weekend for any reason, so who's complaining?

This is all terribly uninteresting.

What is more interesting is the thriving lego community I have stumbled across on Flickr. Almost every search I've undertaken over there has returned at least one photograph rendered in lego. for example, a search for Queen returned the excellent image above. I love lego, so this is awesome. Check it out.

Photo by ....Tim

Top Five TV Villains

The five best villains to ever grace a TV screen, as decided by me on an entirely arbitrary basis, are:

Twin Peak's Leland Palmer

LOST's Benjamin Linus

Buffy's Mayor Wilkins

The Wire's Chris and Snoop

Arrested Development's Lucille Bluth

So what do you think? Do you agree? Does this list make you want to stab me in the eye with a spork because I missed your favourite, or perhaps because you will film it in the hopes of appearing on a later list?

Photo provided by Stoneflower

Top Five TV Villains: Lucille Bluth

Where She's From: Arrested Development (Spoilers below)

Why She's Evil: She masterminded the Bluth family's illegal dealings, including some 'light treason'.

Why She's Awesome: She is the acerbic matriarch of the most dysfunctional family ever. The family's lack of social skills, life skills, tact and general ability are surprising at first, until you meet their mother.
Through much of the series she exists as a comic foil, undercutting her children's efforts and reminding them that they are too fat or stupid to succeed in what one assumes is a defense mechanism aimed at keeping them close. It is only at the end that we realise that she is behind the Bluth's illegal business dealings, and had allowed the blame to fall on her husband.
The joy of Lucille is her dialogue - razor-sharp, withering lines come with regularity.
Most importantly, her grand, greedy scheme is what kicks off Arrested Development, and for that we should all be grateful.

Best Moments: "Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire", "I never cared for GOB", "your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man", "You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent", wine is only alcoholic if you let it sit ... I could go on.

Honourable Mentions from Arrested Development: George Snr, J Walker Weatherman, Mr F, Wayne Jarvis

Top Five TV Villains: Chris and Snoop

Where They're From: The Wire

Why They're Evil: As enforcers for the coldest drug dealer around, these two killed a whole mess o' people.

Why They're Awesome: I know I'm cheating here by counting two characters as one, but Chris and Snoop shine as a duo. These two are terrifying. Chris is around in season 3 and Snoop appears with no fanfare at the end, but season four belongs to these two. Their cold method of adversary removal is a new level of creepiness for the show, and the wholesale disposal of people is made worse by the businesslike fashion in which these two work. They're entirely unfazed by the job they do. Snoop is especially creepy, as her small body houses a twisted soul who has seen too much. Chris' single flash of rage is shocking when it happens, and lends the glimmer of humanity needed to make him truly terrifying. These two are the creepiest people there are.

Best Moments: Snoop buying the nail gun, and the shopkeeper's changing expression, Chris noticing Avon's car, Chris tutoring Michael, their disbelief at Omar's fate, Chris hanging with Wee-Bey, "How my hair look, man?".

Honourable Mentions From The Wire: Avon, Stringer, Marlow, anyone in any position of power whatsoever.

Top Five TV Villains: Mayor WIlkins

Where He's From: Buffy

Why He's Evil: He turned himself into a giant, immortal snake and planned to eat an entire town. Also, he's a politician.

Why He's Awesome: There were a lot of good 'Big Bads' in Buffy, the villains who took all season to vanquish, but the Mayor is my favourite. He's just so nice. The juxtaposition of impeccable manners and mass murder, of cleanliness and eating demon spiders, were played note-perfect. He's like a nice uncle whose jokes are bad but you don't mind because he means well. He really cared about Faith. When, at the very end of the season, there's a flash of rage, it feels real. It's scarier than immortal vampires and cyborg terrors.

The Mayor is also a nice little metaphor for the fear we all feel when we're finishing school, that the real world will be absolutely terrifying.

Best Moments: Buying clothes for Faith, talking with Buffy in the hospital, "well gosh", getting the box of spiders back, demanding cleanliness.

Honourable Mentions from Buffy: Glory, The Master, Angel, Druscilla, Willow.

Top Five TV Villains: Benjamin Linus

Where He's From: LOST (spoilers below)

Why He's Evil: While his motivations are as yet unclear, one thing is - Ben is a stone cold, schemin' bastard.

Why He's Awesome: It's not clear yet whether Ben is a true villain, but he is without a doubt one of the most villainous characters on television. He may end up a hero, but certainly in an 'ends justifies the means' kind of way.
Everything he says is suspect, and the joy in the character is in rolling his words around in your head and trying to figure out what they mean, and if they mean anything. He has a teenage streak of petulance which nicely counteracts his ability to be one step ahead. He's stone cold, and he 'always has a plan'. Even though he's a bastard, half the time he's your favourite character. In season five, when you get the rare chance to see him lying while knowing what actually happened, it's a sight to behold.

Best Moments: The whole Henry Gale sequence, especially his creepy speech over breakfast, taking Juliet to see Goodwin, the look on his face when his daughter falls to the grass, visiting Widmore in the dead of night, a legion of facial ticks, possible lies and creepy inflections.

Honourable Mentions From LOST: Keamy, the Smoke Monster, Radzinsky, Ethan circa season one.

Top Five TV Villains: Leland Palmer

Where He's From: Twin Peaks (Spoilers below).

Why He's Evil: He murdered quite a few people - most notably his own daughter.

Why He's Awesome: For a start, he was less of a cold-blooded killer and more of an unwilling host to the homicidal spirit Bob. Twin Peaks is so great because it starts of as a murder mystery and grows into a sitcom, a soap, a thriller and a horror movie all at once. Leland Palmer is an excellent symbol of all this. He's at times hilarious, awkward and terrifying, sometimes all at once. He's batshit crazy and is equally likely to burst into awkward song as he is to murder someone. He grows from a subject of pity to a feared entity, but at the end of his life, he just feels used up and ashamed. He's got a great arc, and you've got to love him.
Once you watch Fire Walk With Me and can see the whole span of his character, it's really impressive. The casts a wide shadow over proceedings. I love the Twin Peaks mythology, but he works equally well if you want to think that he's just a nutjob.

Best Moments: Jumping on his daughter's coffin, dancing, his heart-wrenching interrogation.

Honourable Mentions from Twin Peaks: Bob, the Man From Another Place, Ben Horne, Evil Cooper.

Happy birthday!

This is Leen.

Today is her birthday.

Leen is great.

Happy birthday Leen.

To celebrate this auspicious occasion, I bought her, among other things, a slanket and a 12-can carton of Cherry Coke.

Given the cold weather, I expect a weekend of hibernation, with brief excursions into the real world fuelled by corn syrup.

Two and a half Men

And now, an honest plea:
Can someone please explain the appeal of this television program?

See that picture over there? That's the DVD cover for Season Four. Four!

Quick recap:

Firefly: Almost a season.

Twin Peaks: Two seasons.

Arrested Development: Three seasons.

Sarah Connor Chronicles (haven't seen it, but I've heard it's good, and that wound is fresh): Two seasons.

The story of my life, tentatively title "Through Scratched Lenses; The Greatest Story Ever Told": Never even picked up!

Now, this show does not screen here. I have seen it while visiting faraway lands. Due to this minuscule level of experience I may be judging the program's level of quality somewhat harshly. But you know what? Life is unfair. See above.

Now, my first problem with this show is the kid. For a start, I've barely seen him on screen, even though he's on all the promos. Also, look at that guy. That little dude is rich as hell now. He know you know, and that's why he's got that look on his face.

My real problem is thus: This is the most repetitive television I've ever seen. The handful of episodes I've seen make me feel like I've been stuck in front of it forever. The plot of each show is thus:

1] Charlie Sheen has intercourse with woman;

2] His downtrodden, effeminate brother reacts with condemnation, exasperation and envy;

3] Hilarity ensues! Maybe this swingin', heartless lifestyle ain't all it's cracked up to be!

4] The child exists, apparently, and;

5] Reset in preparation for subsequent episodes.

The only mutable element of this program is the outfit worn by the woman of the week. This just seems like the skeeviest thing in the whole world.

Now, is this show not a sign of impending destruction? Is its continued journey down the television highway, flanked as it is by the smouldering wreckage of programs approaching art, not a concern on the level of firstborn removal?

I understand that a churning, half-committed audience numbering in its millions must attract the almighty dollar, but when I'm in any town other than here, this show seems to screen every night, sometimes multiple times!

It burns!

Despite my despair, which spirals down into an inky blackness, I am willing to admit my relative lack of reference. If I have misjudged this show, do please enlighten me.

Of course, we all know that the show would be infinitely improved by the replacement of that kid with this man:

Previously on LOST

From June 1, I will be rewatching LOST's first five seasons as part of Docarzt and friends' reWatching LOST

You should too.

There's a schedule up that will have me watching about four episodes a week. If I can stick to it I'll finish up right before the debut of the sixth and final season.

The added benefit will be discussing the episodes each week with the greater fan community with the benefit of our current hindsight.

This is going to be awesome.

Photo taken from Docarzt for 'spreading the word' purposes.

Transforminators are stealing your sand.

The following video is hilarious, and far greater than the sum of its real world parts.

All who disagree are mistaken.

My fruit basket is mouldy

LOST consistently finds itself as the most pirated show on the internet.

Are we, the international audience, surprised? We shouldn't be.

Now, LOST is the kind of show I must see on time. As dependant as it is on a drip-feed on information and cliffhanger reveals, watching it a day late means you kind of have to switch off the internet. And I can't do that. I would miss things.

But the lesson is broader. If you define good TV as TV that inspires a loyal audience, than LOST is good TV. People want to watch it. Rather than railing against piracy, would it not be better to harness the power of this demand? American television networks are inching forward with Hulu and the like, but the international audience is often ignored.

It falls to Australian broadcasters to rectify the situation. If they are going to put all their eggs in the 'buy stuff from America basket', then they need to deliver the basket on time.

I've asked it many times, but if I can be watching an episode of LOST 20 minutes after it screens in the US, then why can't television stations get it at the same time?

Photograph provided by Earl - What I Saw 2.0

Changes afoot

As you are no doubt aware, things look a little different around here today.

Leen has leveraged her substantial brain power and technical wizardry to make the blog look awesome. I'm a big fan.
I will now spend a day staring at everything and tinkering around the edges.
Remember that day where the blog changed shape four times in an hour and then returned to its previous appearance? Where, if you held your modem up to your ear, you could hear me gently weeping? Today is not like that day.

So what do you think of the new digs?

You've Got the Touch

Behold! The greatest song in the universe!



Behold! The worst thing that has ever happened!



Stan Bush's The Touch holds a special place in my heart, owing to it taking pride of place on the soundtrack to the 80s' animated Transformers film. As a young child I would listen to it repeatedly while screaming "take that Decepticreeps!" I continue this practice today.

This new version, apparently created by Bush without solicitation, is much like the new Transformers movie itself - quality parts reassembled in a way that is somehow less.

The Fear

For your consideration, Lily Allen's "The Fear":




A catchy, harmless little pop ditty for sure. It sticks in my head due to the lyrics below:

"And i’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
Cuz everyone knows that’s how you get famous
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner"

The song, about the search for celebrity no matter how trashy, includes that great little line about The Sun and The Mirror. As well as their obvious meanings, Leen pointed out to me later that both are UK tabloids.

I love that little turn of phrase, that double meaning where a lyric of seemingly general imagery transitions into something of greater relevance.

Did I fall asleep?

Dollhouse has been renewed, so everyone who said that me saying I liked a show meant it would be automatically be cancelled can suck it. Even me. Especially me.

Seriously, the only downside to this is the threatened hobbling of my 'TV networks=devils' argument. That's one of my favourite complaints!

The upside?

With abysmal ratings, Dollhouse is a potential example of a shift in thinking, where executives consider a television program beyond the initial screening. That's a good thing.

A few years ago, Dollhouse never could've been renewed. But in this case, Fox has apparently looked past the 'no-one is watching as it screens just because we made sure it was shown at a time when no-one would watch as it screens' conundrum.

Now, if said executives could use the time they once spent cancelling things to go back an build a time machine and renew Firefly, all would be well.

Microsoft

I have been trying to avoid writing about Microsoft here on the blog, as it is doomed from the start to become an awful, venom-fuelled rant.

The Red Ring of Death immortalised in pumpkin! Well, for a few weeks anyway. Photo by Penner42

I exist within an Apple household. As such, Microsoft and I only brush up against one another through the Xbox 360 that squats beneath my television. The console in question was given to me by a friend (thanks AC!), which has further worked to discourage me from airing complaints. After all, what right do I have to complain about something that came free of charge? In such circumstances, am I not obliged to be content with whatever comes my way? I did not pay, after all.

Of course, the issues conspire to prevent me from investing any further money into the console, which seemingly tackles the issue from a lesser front, so I feel justified.

After gaining ownership of the console I indulged in a rampant orgy of gaming, catching up on the legion of titles I had missed since the console's release. This culminated in Leen and I purchasing Rock Band and Guitar Hero, which Voltroned together into a fun-producing juggernaut from which there was no escape. This is where my issues with the console began.

See, a majority of my friends are Xbox players. It's their console of choice and they spend many hours gathering in Xbox Live facilitated cyberspace to shoot each other.

Sadly, their allegiance to the Microsoft flag has rewarded them with crashes and the dreaded Red Ring of Death on numerous occasions. The conclusion? Xboxes are fragile things.

With Rock Band such a treasured pastime of mine, one which required a substantial investment into plastic instruments, I dread the possibility that the X-Box may die.

This is especially pronounced given its second-hand, no-proof-of-purchase nature.

This has led to the X-Box becoming a dedicated Fake Band Station - a role it performs admirably.

So sadly, the Xbox's biggest problem is the spectre of things that may never come to pass, an enemy as ethereal as it is unsolvable.

Another bone of contention is Leen and my involvement with X-Box Live.

Our house is blanketed in wireless broadband, and the Xbox's lack of inbuilt wifi is a big problem, requiring an ethernet cable be snaked across the floor should an online experience be desired.

I resisted Xbox Live mainly because you have to pay for the service. It is, by all accounts, well worth the money, but alas it is money I do not have.

Despite all this, we signed up for X-Box Live for one month so that we could download some songs for Rock Band.

Issues at hand:

* This took about two hours, as we needed to update every software cranny and answer every question there is.

* As we used Leen's credit card and her profile on the system, my profile did not share access to X-Box Live. This meant I could not play online with my friends, and that Microsoft expected us to pay twice for a service that could only ever be used by one person at a time. The alternative - me playing under Leen's profile, flies in the face of the desire to establish one's online identity, and is stupid.

* We later discovered that Microsoft had quietly started billing us every month without telling.

* We discovered cancelling an ongoing subscription you did not request is the only Live service that cannot be undertaken over the internet, and of course not through the console itself.

* Calling to cancel, Leen was asked a bazilion questions, including the oft-repeated 'may I ask why you're cancelling?' and 'can you give this to someone else?'

So, in summary:

The Xbox has a great catalogue of games and can be a lot of fun. It is technologically adept and features an excellent online service.

Sadly, I am scared to turn the thing on and if it broke the customer service would melt my soul.

Dollhouse Season 1

Dollhouse was an enjoyable, benign little thing for much of its first season, but the final run of episodes made me want to see it return.

Image by catclawtub. Get it? It's a dollhouse.

I gave my first impressions of Dollhouse after I watched the first four episodes, So I won't rehash the concept or my Whedon frenzy.

My thoughts remained much the same throughout the season - good, not great.
But the final two episodes really came together and saw the creators get a solid handle on the concept. It's a shame it took them so long, as even now the show is dangling somewhere between 'maybe returning' and 'definitely cancelled'.

There seems to be a pattern with Whedon's shows post-Buffy. They're announced and his fanbase gets excited. Immediately there are rumblings of executive meddling and always the idea pops up that the network desires a more episodic, self-contained experience. The show starts and is alright until the episodic nature dissolves and an overarching story emerges - then things get great. Why the same song and dance all the time?
Dollhouse proves this again. The Dollhouse concept is awash with grey. There aren't any obvious heroes or villains. It's complex. Too complex for self-contained episodes, but ideal for an ongoing serial. The early episodes failed to engage me as there was no-one to root for. The main characters were literally nobodies, so why care? This show needed room to breath and explore the concept, to clue us in that all this shadiness was the point.

The final two episodes, however, rediscover the story that launched the whole thing - rogue operative Alpha. In the process the ideas of the show (is there any cause for voluntary slavery? Will technology wipe us away?) are clearly enunciated for the first time and the cast is rejigged into a wholly more interesting configuration.

In the final episode there's a fight which neatly sums up this point. An FBI agent has worked all year to save an operative from her slavery within the Dollhouse. The Dollhouse's head of security was once her minder and seeks only to keep her safe. When they face off for possession of the girl, you're struck with the oddity of not knowing quite who to root for.

Sadly, the excellent acting on show in the final two episodes by Alpha demonstrate pretty clearly that the concept has been let down by acting in the past. It doesn't bother me terribly, but it shows in hindsight that part of the difficulty in accepting that these people can become anyone stemmed from their inability to convey such a thing.

The final episodes make good use of the Dollhouse concept beyond programmable people on a 42 minute mission, and I am now interested to see the show go from here.

In all, this first season - perhaps due to its short nature - feels like a long pilot. At the end, I feel as if it's really ready to start.
Here's hoping it gets the chance (he types, hoping cancellation won't be announced before he pushes the 'publish button).

Important things afoot

In about two hours I'll be sitting down to watch the LOST finale with some fellow slack-jawed addicts.

I will spare you the only things I could've coherently written today - the word LOST over and over again.

Excited!

Standing on the shoulders of giants

Australia is a nation that loves sport.

It runs through our veins. Seeing our favourite footy team snatch victory with a last minute mark conjures up emotions that are deeply entwined with our sense of country - our sense of self.

Seeing a man reach to the heavens and pluck a ball from the sky, driving it home to goal and being carried on the shoulders of his mates! Huzzah!

Seeing a battler come through!

Seeing mateship thrive under the pressures of competition!

Witnessing.......




Look, I'm obviously being facetious. I hold no interest in sport and disdain for the aura of borderline-criminal recklessness it projects into our culture.
A man's ability to handle a ball should not impact on his ability to withstand rape charges.
I do not hold to the idea that sportsmen must be role models, mainly because they are often proven incapable.
I do not believe that a punch delivered on a field should be adjudicated by a special judiciary system.
I do not think that any and all behaviour can be explained away by boyish exuberance, as seems to be the case.

Anyway, this opinion of mine - long held by me and long a source of frustration for those around me - has been kindled by the following:

The Code of Silence

This piece by the excellent Four Corners details attempts by the Rugby League to address the poor attitudes of its players when it comes to the opposite sex.
A 'rugby personality' was recently linked to an awful incident of group sex. In a startling case of missing the point, he man apologised on the TV show he hosts - to his family, for the anguish the allegations had caused.
Good Lord.
This culture of ours? In which exists a pocket where men are not expected to grow up, treat people equally, and have a massive, corporate machine working to protect their behaviour? It is flawed.

Read this as well:
New research says footballers are often seedier than criminals
Depressing.

Come blow your horn...

My anticipation for the two-hour-long LOST season finale - dropping this week - is getting intense.

I am going in fresh this year. I've stayed away from spoilers [temptation ... rising] and have little clue as to what is going to happen.
To help soothe the pain, here's a video, spoiler-free, of Michael Emerson demonstrating why Benjamin Linus is such a great character.

And another thing ...

"You're so hot, I have entirely forgotten how boring everything else is." Photograph by Kekoah.

I don't know why, but I'm obsessed by Twilight.

My review of the film generated some cool commentary, which serves to further my fascination.

Firstly, from Jay via the comments here:

'My take on it is: it's a girl film. written and directed by females with a female demographic in mind. That's why I totally love it, and it works for my (decidedly female) brain :D. I mean, HE SPARKLES!!!!!!! that's totally what I look for in a guy! I can see why your boy(brain)s aren't into it though.'

See, I think this is at the heart of why I can't let this go. Edward is an amazing character because he has the greatest superpower ever:

He is so dreamy that he can make any film that surrounds him seem amazing, even if it really, really isn't.

It's the only explanation I can think of. Robbed of the ability to be attracted to Edward, I miss out on at least 75 per cent of the Twilight experience.

And secondly from a friend of mine via Facebook:

'I told (my daughter) you said Twilight was boring. She said you say that because you're old or at least middle age. You wouldn't have the passion like other fans, especially if you haven't read the book. So there! (She) says she thinks the film was only made for the fans of the book. Do you think that would be on the dime?'

She's got a damn good point, as I grow older and more miserable every day.

Evidence: Should a film adapted from a book be considered successful if the audience must read the book to enjoy it? Would that not imply that it is pointless?

Oh well, I suppose it's just not my thing. Good thing the internet facilitates my whining regardless.

Something we've all dwelled on.

I hope Geoff Klock is comfortable with me swiping this video from him, because I've totally done it already.

I have stolen it for a good reason though - the belief that everyone should see it, as it speaks a great truth.

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